You have earned your sleep when...

...your hair and clothes are covered in sawdust, your fingers stained with...stain. You're sun burnt, but only on your neck and from your biceps down. You're so parched you gulp your drink disregarding the bug inside and your forehead is smeared with dirt from where your arm dragged across it to clear your sweat. You have a bruise across your knee and back muscles that ache. Your thumb has limited pain-free mobility and your skin feels dry and buffed. You have only managed to sand 1/5 of the kitchen and the stain you applied looks like generic cabinets from the 80s. You realize you are back to scratch.

See you on the other side, boys and girls, this chick has earned her sleep.

Special Man vs Wild

I am entirely excited about watching Man vs Wild on Tuesday night. It has always been more of that "nothing else is on" type show but on Tuesday, Will Ferrell is going to be trekking through the Tundra along side the show's host. It is rare since the cancellation of Stargate Atlantis that I genuinely look forward to a show for days before it airs and perhaps it wouldn't be so stuck in my head if the show, along with its promos, weren't playing on the TV to the background of my Happy Upbeat play list while I ran on the treadmill, but I am pumped. Sometimes Will Ferrell is so distant from my type of humor (Step Brothers) but sometimes he is spot on (Anchor Man, Elf) and the thought of him eating Reindeer cornea just makes me laugh. We shall see.

Quote of the Week

Trust Allah, tie your camel. - Muslim Proverb

Handy Andy in Training

We are continually having plumbing problems in regards to slow running and stopped up drains. Currently the drain in the upstairs bathroom sink is just not draining at all. I tried the liquid plumber to no avail and so decided to take a more plumberesque route. I scooped out all the standing water and then thought, well, perhaps I just need to put some suction and knock the clog loose. So, I grab the plunger and start plunging away. All that did was bring up more dirty water which then had to be scooped out of the sink like the water before it. Okay, so it won't come up, I will just push it down. I got a hanger and stuck it down there thinking that I would reach whatever was clogging it and just push it loose. Well, the hanger wouldn't make it past the bend in the pipe, not bendy enough. It was at this point I call for John. Now we are both in there. He removing clasps and I critiquing his removing of clasps, as if I knew any better. At this point we have made it to the "we will try to snake it" point of the exercise. My job was to stick it down the pipe and his to twist it. He is twisting. I am sticking. At the first bend in the pipe, it didn't want to go but he just kept saying that I had to push it and twist it and push it harder. So that is what I did. Pushed and twisted and pushed. Finally I just couldn't get it to go any further and he said that we could go ahead and bring it back out. Um, it won't come. Just pull harder. I am pulling harder...it won't come. Did you force it too far in? You said push hard. Not force it. That's what push hard means. Great, now the plumber is going to come out and I am going to have to explain why there is a snake stuck in our pipe.

You know, when I imagined a snake, I always thought of some telescopic thing with a light on the end and a video screen that lets you see the pipe as it travels through it. The coil thing made my hanger idea not seem so silly. John was eventually able to get the snake out and another random, "Hey, I think that I will try to fix it myself" episode was put to bed. Of course, until the next day when I thought that I would just try sanding a cabinet and ended up out on the porch with a belt sander. Those things are wicked cool. Way more fun than my random "I think that I can replace tile"...

You know your husband is tired when...

...he offers to get you something to drink after you wake up at 2 in the morning coughing and then ambles back into the room a couple minutes later and hands you a 2 liter of Sprite. When your brain doesn't even make it to the "pour into cup", you are running pretty rough.

The River

My grandparents live on the river and the walk from their house to the shore on the gravel road is green as far as you can see in each direction. A sunny afternoon makes for a perfect chance to kick of your shoes and wade in the water. The thing is...the water is freaking cold. John was standing there so peacefully, looking out into the distance, hands in pockets, pant legs rolled high. That was until the first moment the water hit him and Mr. Picturesque comes hopping back out.

The boys and Tina seemed more adaptable to the cold. Joshy especially. Him and Tina were thigh high in minutes. Ben would have run in as well, but we steered him towards the calf high limit. Mama does not want to have to dive in. I got in this weird kick where I was taking pictures of every one's feet. Joshy has John's feet and we will likely end up special ordering his shoes in like fashion. From the look of it, Ben has mine. He has the roundness and the second toe shorter than the first...as nature intended...Joshy so enjoyed splashing around in the gentle current. He kept verifying that we would be going to the big beach with the big waves later that week. The only time he wasn't all smiles was when it was time to go.

What I love the most was how clean the water was. I never worried about Ben playing around in his rolled up shorts. Can you imaging only having to walk three minutes to play in this each afternoon? The trade off is having to drive 30 minutes to Wal-mart and an hour plus to the movies.

On the last afternoon, Ben had worn down and some rain clouds were forming in the distance so we wrapped up to head back to the house. He just laid his head on his Dad's shoulder, content to be carried to wherever Dad went next. As a final act, Tina wrote her name in the sand above the reach of the tide. She loves the water and in fact, even has her scuba license. I have seen too many movies with sabotaged oxygen situations to have any interest in that, but Joshy seems to be shaping up into a good water buddy for her. Not that I am ready to put him in a suit and teach him to breathe through a tube anytime soon.

Manned submersible. Now that I could do.

When you're tired...you're tired

Take me out to the ball game

Joshy and I were able to take in a baseball game this evening just the two of us. Even though my last game was merely a year ago, I am always swept away by how much I enjoy an afternoon of baseball. I sat with Joshy and started to walk through the rules of the game. The pitcher. The batter. The catcher. The red shirts. The white shirts. The foul ball coming straight at our heads.

Apparently one of my coworkers' children go to school with Joshy and apparently this kid pushed him down. How do I know this? From Joshy saying at the top of his lungs, "You want to know who pushed me down?" and then turning around, pointing his finger. "HIM" We then discussed the concept of forgiving and letting it go.

Ultimately our team lost and we streamed out of the ballpark, two faces in a crowd. Having such a great time with him, I decided that we could walk across the street to get some ice cream. The weather was warm but still breezy and as we walked through the courtyard, there was live music and a man who made Joshy a balloon pirate sword. We stepped into the ice cream shoppe and waited in line while Joshy showed off his pirate skills. It wasn't more than three minutes when I hear a single clap of thunder and turn around to see the rain begin to whip past the windows. It came from nowhere and with the trees bending in the wind, it looked like the fallback hurricane shot you see on news channels in movies. All I could think was it is pouring, I am here with Joshy and two cups of ice cream and my car is about a mile away. Thankfully, I had shared the wealth with my sister and brother-in-law and scored them tickets to the evening game and they happened to be driving in and Joshy and I only had to run two minutes in the rain to hitch a ride to our car. That could have ended much...wetter. Joshy is usually a baby when it comes to getting wet and he was entirely great about it.

We got home and he ran in to show John Nathan the foul ball. From the way he cheered along with me, I am genuinely hoping that I can pass on a bit of my love of baseball to him.

Tall Grass

Joshy looking back to gage my reaction.

Joshy taking off into the field.

Joshy after I told him there might be bugs out there.
Mama knows her boy and his irrational fear of bugs. That boy's lept into my lap because he saw a fly.

Quote of the Week

"Life's tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid" - John Wayne

A Special First

While in Virginia, my Pop, who cut hair for many years before training to be a mechanic, gave Benjamin his very first hair cut. I expected there to be tears and cries and...well...I was right but not how I expected. When Pop first started Ben was okay, just not quite sure what was going on. With the long curls on the back of his head, there would often form rats when he took a nap and the combing and cutting of these are what jumped off the equating of haircut with pain in his head. It is a phobia all of us who think perms and curls mean you don't have to comb your hair have to endure. Fifth grade. Bad hair year. Still, even with tears, Pop did a wonderful job and was incredibly patient with his squirmy customer.

Before

After

Thank you Pop. My baby boy looks so handsome.

A crazy start to the vacation...

Regardless the anticipation one has for a vacation, no one ever says "I am so excited. I get to have a 5 hour plane trip with a 4 and 18 month old. Woo Hoo!!". It is an understood fact that travel days are hard on all involved. Dragging car seats and two suitcases into the airport between two adults. Throwing the luggage onto the moving sidewalk and then running back to get the 4 year old who, although having walked on to a thousand moving sidewalks without assistance before has developed a debilitating phobia, and then running back up to get the luggage. It is only now as I am typing this that I wonder why we just didn't walk down the hallway. It is just innate to take the moving sidewalks. They are sidewalks...that move.

On the ridiculously small plane, Joshy was becoming increasingly feverish. He had a slight temp that morning that was reduced with Tylenol's cherry flavored helping hand but this go round, the fever was giving Tylenol the smack down. We were covering him with blankets and trying to get him to sleep. His temp was consistently between 104.6 and 105.7 no matter how much medicine I gave. I pumped him full figuring an OD on Tylenol was safer than if the fever rose much more. I just kept rubbing his back, trying to lull him to sleep, with not much else that could be done at 30,000 feet. It was when we landed and he began to look at me in the face and ask me to get his mom for him, that he didn't know where his mom was that I lost my cool. Up till then, I was just on task. Land and then find an Urgent Care clinic that would be open on Sunday. At that moment, the calm in my voice cracked and left just enough room for the tears to break through. We hurried down to Hertz to pick up the car and stood third in line for the single open station. First in line were the two "super cool" college age guys who couldn't get any of their credit cards to be approved for the amount of their car rental which was well over 1k. They were either renting a Yacht for a week or a Rio for three months. Either way, the attendant kept calling their credit card companies for them, since they couldn't figure out why they weren't working while there I am, at the back of the line holding Joshy, crying. Once we were in the car, we tried to follow a locals directions only to end up at a gas station, where a kind taxi driver offered to lead us to the hospital. When we checked in, Joshy's temperature had fallen back down to 104.7 and while a good thing, the poor guy just looked so miserable. While we were there, they basically tested to rule out anything that could be causing the fever, including Swine Flu. I laughed afterward because seriously, I could not imagine the conversation where I call back home to say that we were stuck in a hospital in Norfolk with the Swine Flu. When the doctor did come in, she struck up a conversation with Joshy, as I am sure she does all kids, but clearly was not expecting my son who proceeded to grill her. "Is being a doctor your job?" "Why are you a doctor?" "How many sick people do you help?" Each question's answer being followed by "oh". I love how curious he is. She sent us for x-rays which Joshy has never had. As they wrapped us in lead, he was crying and scared and out of sorts from feeling awful. He didn't know what they were going to do. After those were said and done, we ended up having to go back for a second set where this time he told them that he wouldn't be scared and gallantly hopped right up on the table. The radiologist agreed to let him see the x-ray picture and he was thrilled to see his bones. By this time the massive overdose of Tylenol and Motrin had begun to kick in and had brought the fever down to 102 and I was starting to see Joshy break through again. Ultimately, we spent four hours in the emergency room to figure out through process of elimination that it was a virus. By the time we left the hospital for the 2 1/2 hour drive to my Grandparent's house, we were all pretty wiped. Plane ride included, it had been a very long day. Throw in the mental energy trying to remember how high a fever could be before it was really bad, watching the thermometer LCD creep closer and closer to 106, and it was a very very long day. I would do it all the same, though, for that peace of mind while driving 4 sleeping passengers on Virginia back roads that he was okay.

There was a book at the hospital that we were reading while we were waiting to check out. It was about Doozers and a certain lazy Doozer who eventually turned into a Fraggle. In the middle of the story, the Doozer was just laying around and you saw him become fatter and fatter. At the picture of him at his largest I, without much thought, said "Woah. That is one big Doozer." Joshy just busted out in this huge belly laugh and that then became the quote of the week. Say it to him the next time you see him and I bet you will get a laugh.

I am so proud of that boy and how brave he was the entire time we were in the ER, everything so new. As I told him, it is okay to be scared. Being brave is being scared but doing it anyway because it is what has to be done. He just looked at me and understood. He always asks me, "Mom, do I make your heart melt?". Yes my brave, sweet boy...you make your mom's heart melt.

The coolest 2nd grader I know

The little girl I mentor will be moving out of the school district this summer and I am bummed. I have grown quite accustomed to our once a week get togethers where she reads flawlessly, rolling her eyes and ignoring me when I start saying "axolotl" over and over. It is in part to make her smile and in part because it is ridiculously fun to say. And to look at...

AHHHHHH!!!

In honor of my little friend who wrote me the sweetest card asking me to remember her because she would remember me, here are my favorite things that have come flowing out of her crazy mouth.

After I told her that I didn't like running in PE as I wasn't very fast

"Is that because you are fat?"

"You were pregnant? Oh, that is what was wrong with you."

"I don't like going to my grandma's house. She smells."

After I answered her question about why other kids were looking at us as because we are super cool

"Yeah. They are just jealous because I am a better reader than them."

When I told her that her shirt was pretty

(stares for a minute) "I like your shoes" (turns and walks away)

When I missed a week

(said upset) "Where were you? Were you taking care of your baby?"

When I asked what her favorite food her mom made was

"Meat"

When I asked her if she was excited to make new friends at her new school next year

"No. I just want to stay here with you"

I am going to miss that little girl.

Awesome Things

I work on the fifth floor of a five story building. I would like to say that I gravitate towards walking the stairs and all things health conscious but that would be bending the truth. And by that I mean lying. The elevator is my friend. Especially considering I have to park across the street and the width of a track away from my building. That said, this morning I was walking into the building behind a group of four or five people all carrying various loads and at the crucial stair/elevator fork in the hall, veering for the stairs. Watching them I think, if they are taking the stairs, you should be too. You aren't even carrying folders or diet coke fridge packs. So up I go, the limp gazelle trailing the herd. After the first flight, every single one of them exit the stairwell. Yeah. They work on floor 2 and I have three floors to go. Awesome.

Although our floor has an 8 to 1 ratio of girls to boys, the architect saw fit to give us attic crawling females a single stall bathroom to fight over. The downside is that anytime the urge is, well, urgent, the bathroom is occupied without fail. It becomes a sort of science actually. One floor below, they have the normal 4 stall bathroom, but it is never your first call to take the stairs. It is a balancing act of how badly you need to go vs how far your office is from the bathroom (the "I've come to far..."). Today I had it worked out where it seemed most favorable to wait it out instead of trek downstairs. I was hovering around the break room, trying to make it less obvious that I was waiting for the bathroom to vacate. Standing there, looking ever so nonchalantly at the wall, the minutes ticking, I hear the flush. Then I hear another flush. 30 seconds. Flush number three. Not a good sign. Multiple flushes either mean floater or skid marks. Either way the 4th floor all of a sudden seemed like a good idea. The flushing sound that saves us from entering to someone else's smell and leaving to others thinking it is our own. Awesome.

Wandering back into the break room, I was going for a couple waters to get me through the morning stretch. I noticed that they now have new Gatorade powder packets that proclaim on the front "Low Calorie Electrolytes". I immediately think of Idiocracy and "but it has electrolytes..." and start laughing. I can barely try to explain through the laughs and I feel certain that I am losing them on "Okay, so everyone in the future is an idiot...". Finding something that makes you laugh...hard...and not having a single fellow connoisseur of 2006 B movies on the entire floor. Potentially awkward. Laughing harder every time you try to explain why it is funny. Awesome.

I got back from vacation to find that a document I, along with others, had proofed had a phone number altered and when changed, two of the numbers transposed. An easy thing to miss, indeed. Our minds often see what they know should be there. I write "an" but when reading it back, my mind reads "and" because it knows that is what it was meant to be. So, when the document was received, instead of a company number, people were given the number for an adult entertainment line. Sudden onset OCD for triple checking phone numbers. Awesome.

Quote of the Week

If there is anything the nonconformis hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. - Bill Vaughan

Sunday

For my Mother's Day, I received the sweetest handwritten note and a flower picked from my garden. A flower I actually grew. It was the best present I could have hoped for. My sweet husband even planted all the remaining plants to make for a beautiful plant bed. The only thing better would be a vacation. Wait...I get one of those too!! We are leaving today for Virginia to visit my Grandma and Pop. Excepting the travel days, I am entirely thrilled. The last time we went to Virginia Joshy was two and the plane trip was awful. He had his own seat and freaked after 3 minutes on the plane, wanting to get off. We were trying to get him buckled but he was as stiff as a board, every muscle in his body taught, screaming at the top of his lungs about wanting to get off. John is pushing down on his pelvis, I am trying to snap the buckle, we are both trying to shush him, ready at any moment to be asked to deplane. This was, of course, after the meltdown at the security point when we had to remove his shoes. You would have thought we were beating him for how he reacted. Thankfully he calmed down and we made it to the coast, but it certainly made for a long day. Now he is four and Ben 17 months, so I am hoping we have hit a sweet spot. Joshy is far removed from the tantrums of 2 and Ben is still at least 6 months away, so let's pray that Madagascar on netbook, Elmo treat bribes and coloring make for a better day. As a last resort...drugs. It is like birth. You start out shooting for natural but aren't afraid to use the ace in the hole.

Lessons

You know it has been an eventful week when you have had to deal with both not kissing friends and peeing on playgrounds. The first involved touching tongues with a friend. Jackson to be exact. We only kiss family, right Joshy? Uh-huh. The next was dropping trou during playground time to pee in the sand. We don't pee outside at school, right Joshy? Uh-huh. Public nudity and kissing boys. For all the things you think to cover, you can just never catch them all...

Early Mother's Day

We went to Cracker Barrel the weekend before Mother's Day to celebrate my mom while my dad was in town. Cracker Barrel is forever associated with my dad because on his many trips to Detroit working with GM, he ate countless meals there. Enough that he has the triangle thing memorized and, unlike me, never ends up as an ignoramus. It was busy, as most Sunday's are, so he took Joshy over to teach him checkers while waiting for service. I could hear Joshy cheer from the table every time he took one of dad's checkers. What do you call it? Kill? You kill the Queen in chess and a checker can be Kinged. (Pause while Laura, now having interest peaked, researches the origin of checkers) Did you know that there are remnants of checker boards in the British Museum found in Egyptian tombs? It seems like the game, in its current state, known as Draughts in England, most resembles a game known as Alquerque first mentioned in the 10th century when brought to Spain by the Moors. The rules were first written and the rule of crowning introduced in the 13th century, followed by the first English writing containing the rules in 1756. Crowning was introduced at the same time the terminology of Queen was introduced in chess...so it seems they are related after all. Interesting. Okay, back to Cracker Barrel. Checkers. Cheering. Moving on.

Ben has been slow to speak, mostly due to his ears which have been fluid filled, practically sense birth. I have tried not to worry but it is hard to let it completely escape your mind when your 17 month old still can't say Mama. That said, we had ordered him a drink with lid and straw to keep him busy while waiting for food. When it came, the straw was meant for a normal glass and doubled the size of the cup. Ben immediately grabbed the drink and tipped it far enough that I was envisioning an imminent spill, trying to get to the straw. I went to grab it so that I could have John trim the straw when that boy yanked it away from me and yelled "Mine". Never have I been so thrilled with misbehaving. Since then, he has been babbling far more and finally beginning to communicate through sound. All he needed all along was for me to try and steal his drink. As he could clearly see, what did I need with his...I had my own...

Happy Mother's Day Mom. You are very loved.

The problem with telling Joshy to sing as loud as he can...

...is that the boy is freaking loud...

(One could never guess who he inherited that from.)

Planting

We have been intending to get a hedge and screening trees for our yard. Today, being overcast and right after a week of scattered rain, we figured it was as good a time as any to give it a go. Lowe's, being the closest in proximity, seemed as good a place as any, so I ran over there while the boys were napping to pick up some plants. I started with a cart that soon became a flatbed and a cart. I have never gone serious plant shopping but when looking at plants that seemingly appear hard to kill, it can actually be quite fun. The screening trees are evergreen and I have never seen a Christmas tree die excepting to the chainsaw. As I have no current plans of cutting them down, seems foolproof enough. When I reached the check out line with my evergreens and boxwood shrubs and some perennials (lilies, something purple that looks like wildflowers and daisies) I received the stern look from the clerk that you get when they are expecting you to put up a fight. "The trees are not a part of the 50% off sale." "There is a 50% off sale??!?" The wind seeping from her sails was a breath of fresh air. My anticipatory price tag was just cut in half. The hedge purchased was for the front of the house, under the playroom window. Up till now it has been an empty bed, desperately in need of something. To me a hedge makes an older home seem dignified. The wildflowers, less so, but there is something about wildflowers that endear me to them. They feel so free and natural, beautiful in an unassuming way. Lilies are the first flower that John ever bought me. The smell of but a few of their flowers can fill a room. Whenever I see them, I think of him. The daisies were just a treat for me. One can hardly see daisies and not smile. They are happiness in a flower. Plus, the tag says they grow fast. A boon to an expert in impatience such as me. Joshy was John's big helper. He helped dig and held the pot while John pulled out the plants. He spread the mulch and threw the clumps of dirt off his shoe at the wall or the grass. Usually narrowly missing your head. He is always so proud to help his Dad and I know his Dad is proud of his big boy.

The Zoo

The weekend I was in Dallas, Jess and Tina grabbed the boys for a trip to the zoo. It was entirely kind of them to give John a break from his solo tour of duty and Joshy and Ben can never get enough of their time with their aunts. Of course, you couldn't tell from Joshy's facial expression. Let us just point back to the "I am too ornery to smile on command" phase referenced earlier.

The differences in temperament between Ben and Joshy still surprise me. Ben is far more mellow and relaxed than Joshy has ever had the slightest inclination to be. The shot of Tina working the stroller up the hill with Ben quite at his leisure inside, is the perfect depiction of his calm state of mind. Jess mentioned Joshy being nervous around the monkeys. Chimps? Either way, she kept attempting to get him to turn around for a picture, but he wouldn't turn his back to those guys. Not that I entirely blame him. That dude is as big as he is and sometimes when they look at you, it is like they know more than they are letting on. If ever there was an animal I could successfully mind meld with, my suspect is that it would be them. I adore cows. I always have. But in my time spent with them...well...there's just not much going on upstairs.

It is funny for me to see how much difference a year or two can make. Historically, we avoid the statues when we go to the zoo because the last time we attempted to photograph Joshy on one, it devolved into tears, screaming and terrified looks that made people wonder what we were doing to our child. Clearly we have made some headway.

Thanks again, Jess and Tina. I so appreciate you loving my boys.

The Danger of Dancing with the Stars

Watching this...

Becomes trying this...

Easter and Birthdays

I have fallen a tad behind in my posts and am catching up with pictures from Jess and Tina's birthday. We grouped them together with Easter since Dad was home that weekend and their birthdays are only 10 days apart. It didn't take very long before Jess had Joshy in the rabbit ears head band that is meant for a dog. It takes a secure man to pull of a dog headband in yellow. Almost as secure as pulling off the Easter basket in blue...

Happy Birthday Jess and Tina. Your cake was yummy.