It has been quite some time since I have posted, I know. I hear it from time to time from those who had liked keeping up with pictures of the boys. In truth, I haven’t taken any pictures to post. I find myself exhausted all the time and when the time settles in the evening, any mental energy once used to plot the humor of my day onto paper was long since drained. I have 12 hours finished for school and another six by December. My work is still as demanding as it ever was but it is not a busy that I disdain. I am tired from the stress and the stress itself I do not enjoy but the job is one that I love. However, leaving work for a 4 hour class two nights a week wears thin after a few months. Joshua is rounding out his first soccer season and the twice a week practices have been borne by John. The two games a weekend proved to interrupt the time usually meant to capture the nothingness absent all week. The house has descended into unmanageable clutter. The joy of watching Joshy play has been the saving grace. My only nights free are Tuesday and Wednesday and those often find themselves used for working late or accomplishing the few things that no longer find time elsewhere. I have gone weeks without seeing the boys in the evenings and at the end of a long day, John and I sit and stare at one another with the resolution that he and I must power through as I will regret if I stop what I have started. In the process of hiring a few new positions for my group, I realized that a college degree today is what a high school degree was 20 years ago and a master’s equivalent to undergrad. Anyone without a master’s degree was screened out before they sent the batch of applicants for my review. This year I had to fire my first employee. He had a master’s degree and yet had none of the work ethic or enthusiasm I would hope for. But that is when it sunk in. He was green and slow to learn but his piece of paper would push him to the top of a pile, ahead of me, if we were fighting for the same stack. And so it was decided that I would go back to school. I wanted to protect my family if the worst were to happen and not end up at the bottom of every pile. After these classes I will have whittled away my first six months of a two year run. I can’t promise that you will hear much from me during this year and a half of remaining climb. It will be sporadic and potentially uninteresting at best. Still, I will try and put up pictures of the boys from time to time and rely on Jess to post pictures of the rest. Like John in impromptu Kiss makeup and the boys gently holding Hadley as her head drops off to the side. I love my boys. They are kind and show me unending love. I will do my best to continue to let you watch them grow. It hits you in stages. Ben is now potty trained and that trumpets the end of diapers. For our lack of planning and consistency, it somehow still happened. Joshy is starting to read. Ben still belts out Soul Sister. I don’t know that life is normal but it has found its rhythm for the time being. And as I sit here, surrounded by comforter, computer in lap, sun speckling through the windows and the sound of two boy’s voices responding to the TV’s request for them to say “echo”, I am content. A quote I stumbled onto a bit ago has become something I have held onto. “Face reality, not as it was, not as you wish it were, but as it is”. And “as it is” is not too bad and as always, for the part not preferred, this too shall pass.
