I think I can...

If you have spent a good chunk of time running merely on fumes, when you finally get to a point where you can catch your breath, it is then you realize just how tired you have been. After wrapping up some things this week that have been creating a great deal of stress, I got home Friday night and just crashed. Even all day Saturday. I couldn't believe how exhausted I was. John, in his sweet way, allowed me more than one nap while he watched the boys. Of course, now that I am rested and my mind has a reprieve, all the other thoughts that had been smothered down have free reign again. One thing that has been on my mind a lot is the idea of comparing our insides to other people's outsides. It is so easy to look around and get the idea that you are incapable of things the rest of the world seems to handle with ease. Of course, you know the truth is that everyone has their struggles. As a general rule, people just don't walk around saying, "Man, I just sat for three hours with a screaming child and had no clue what to do and felt like a simple punishment had turned into a jumbled mess". We like to put our best feet forward. Someone asks "How are you?". You say "good". Under no circumstances answer "I am just struggling with keeping my house clean with all the other stuff on my plate and the kitchen, well it is just gross. I'm pretty sure something alive is growing in the sink and man does it smell..." That is when you get the "Um...I asked 'How are you', I wasn't actually interested in how you were" look. It is the glazed over eyes and the constant response of "uh-huh". When we struggle, we tend to see ourselves as terminally unique but the more I watch and listen to those around me, the more I seem to hear the same themes. I suppose no one is immune to life, both it's ups and downs. It is just hard to remember when you are the only one who can't seem to do math in their head, put together a remotely sophisticated outfit or come up with the right words in any sort of "mingling" situation. I guess the key is to remember that you also are the one who can make your coworkers laugh or assemble almost anything pre-made bookshelf builders can throw at you or get lost in an imaginary world with your son. It will probably always be easier to come up with the can'ts but there is a lot more happiness when you focus on the cans.