Relax

You know what? I am tired of having to "do" my hair. Even when I straighten it and get away with washing it only every other day, that means if I live to 60, I am going to have to dry and fix my hair at least 5480 more times. I am already sick of it now. Add in cleaning, which is completely erased two days after it is done, a good night's sleep cancelled after only 12 hours, mowing that has to be redone in two weeks, hair that grows, food that gets eaten, make-up that gets applied, diapers that get changed... This life is crazy. Mr. Checotah's idea of a solution? Relaxation and Meditation Yoga. All right, I say. So I sign up for the coming Wednesday. Of course I, in true Laura fashion, was running late that day and by the time I pummeled my way through the door, they were already in full on meditation. They had their yoga mats out and were sitting on some Indian blankets...you know, the ones you buy in Tijuana from the little street shops for a haggled price. I went with the mat sans blankets and assumed the stereotypical crossed legs, hand to heart position. I had told LeAnn when I signed up with her that if they even had me "um", I was out of there. So, there I sit listening to the instructions of how I am to "let go". Instead of just saying "open your chest", you have to go through the 2 minute mental trip of "taking the skin from on top of your breast bone and pulling it up over your head and then down to the floor". Basically the method of making "pull your shoulders back" sound elusive and spiritual. You are paying for this, after all. Once we have checked off the relaxing of every muscle, your mouth, your legs, your ears, we head on into the mental relaxation where you are supposed to picture three things you are thankful for. Oh but don't think of any memories or run down any mental paths, he says. So I am letting faces flash through my mind, thinking about how I am not supposed to be thinking, convinced I am doing something wrong because of all the things I am feeling, one with the nothingness isn't there. Personally, when I close my eyes, I am either dreaming or thinking. There is no empty space of thought. If you are thinking of nothing you are really just thinking about thinking about nothing, but whatever, I have emptied my mind. Meditation...check. Now on to the yoga where I am positive I stayed in a toe touch for at least 30 minutes. I will say that by the end, my hands, which originally gave up after reaching the ankles could touch the floor. Whether or not something tore in the process of getting them there? Irrelevant. It is not about comfort after all, it is about relaxation. Still, if I can't relax on my own, what makes them think a toe touch will do the trick? If not annoyed by growing hair or grass, I am worried about being healthy or why that third donut would be a bad idea. There is building the access database and did I fill Joshy's prescription and I'm sorry, I know I have already met you three times but what was your name? There is nothing in my life that 45 minutes on an Indian blanket can wash away. Now, a good book in the speckled shade of a big tree with iced tea and a gentle breeze...that is the class there needs to be. Still, with three classes to go this month, looks like I have no choice but to stop and smell the incense even if the only relaxation I can foresee is if my 20 minutes on the yoga mat included a fuzzy blanket and some power z's.