When a door closes, a window opens...

After their Christmas visit, Mr. and Mrs. Marcellus unintentionally absconded to Florida with our house key. At first, it was simply a "haven't got around to it yet" when it came to securing a replacement. I don't know at what point that became a rather sad excuse but I am certain it was sometime between then and three months later, i.e. now. So, long story short, I still don't have a key to the front door. I do, however, have a key to the back door. The door handle. The deadbolt cannot be unlocked from the outside. John has the only front door key but it has not posed a problem as we leave the deadbolt on the back door unlocked for me. Let me rephrase that. We had been leaving it unlocked for me. Today at 5:15 as I tried to get in the house, that "had" was no longer the case. John Nathan, clearly distracted by my prolific praise, had forgotten that he locked the deadbolt the night before when he left for work this morning. So there I stand, unable to get into the house by front door or back, John not scheduled to be home for 45 minutes and really not doing much thinking about the traits of John's I love. At this point my options were to sit in the car and play brick breaker (as Blackberry owners can attest...addictive, but not 45 minute addictive) or find another way in. It was then I remembered that I had opened a window in the dining room on Sunday and hadn't locked it back. Now, the problems with this were twofold. First, these are old wooden windows that don't exactly glide up and down. Secondly, when standing on the ground, the window sill is as high as my shoulders. So, all things considered, we were looking at a good chance this might not end well. Step one, open window. It gave easily with my first push and opened up as far as I had cracked it on Sunday. Beyond that, it gave unevenly and would sometimes lose as much ground as it gained. Usually suddenly and alarmingly. When I finally had it as high as it would stay on its own, and reasonably convinced that if it did fall it could not possibly cut me in half, I threw in my bags and purse. This was, of course, without thinking through the fact that I had thrown my cellphone and keys in with my purse and barring missing success, would now be locked out of my house and car with no phone. Right. To the right of the window was the OGE or ONG meter, one of the two, and I slowly applied more and more weight to gage if it was going to give. Satisfied it would not, I gave it a good push and hurled myself towards the window. At this point my shoulders and head were inside and the rest still dangling out, essentially stuck in a 2 foot window opening with the meter no longer in reach. I try to shift to the side so that I can get a foot through the opening and into the room. The window was just shy of being wide enough to get it all the way through but on the upside, I was now wedged with only one foot dangling outside. At this point, I realize there will be no graceful ending and am counting down the minutes until someone sees me wedged like poo bear in the rabbit hole. With no other option left, I use the knee to propel me head first into the dining room, letting gravity take care of the rest. So there I lay, on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, streaked with dirt. Let's just say that John has vowed to make a key copy this week.